RYSLIG BATTLE ROYALE: CLASS OF VANDARE

[goodolfashionedvillain]

Write up a quick little blurb about your character's highschool experience!

They were pulled from an International Highschool located in [Japan] making a lot of them foreign exchange students!

How would the other classmates know your character in this universe? Were they in sports? Cheerleaders, perhaps? Maybe they were in choir together or bandmates! Maybe they're just the quiet, weird art kid that hangs out in the corner or part of the stoner skater kids who smoke outside during lunch~! Perhaps your character was the drama teacher or runs anime club~?

Sure, most of them were failing in some way, of course, or else they wouldn't be here! But that doesn't mean they didn't still have prospects and hobbies~ Let's flesh it out a bit shall we?

Just use this post to build/handwave CR for the universe of Battle Royale, and make this murder game just a little juicier~! >:3

Comments

[sandinmyhair]

Why their drama teacher is some dude from Colombia is anyone's guess, but he's good at it, and his spoken Japanese is excellent. He keeps an elabourate cage for a group of pet rats, with little habitrails and tiny rat toys and bitty hammocks. They're clearly well-cared-for and friendly.

He's not so great with written Japanese, though, and has a tendency to use an overhead projector with pre-printed transparencies for lectures. However, this also means he doesn't assign a lot of written homework. All in all, he's the type of kind and supportive teacher the rest of the faculty either love or hate. He has the students address him as 'Buruno-san' because it pains him to listen to them stumble through all those extra syllables that have to be crammed into 'Madrigal.'

Alas, though, administration decided to cut the theatre programme altogether, which includes the drama classes. You know, they could have just fired him....

[aquilasshadow]

As a fellow foreigner, Altair likes Bruno. He's a nice teacher. Altair doesn't like admitting that he appreciates how supportive Bruno is so he outwardly refuses his kindness but he always volunteers to paint Bruno's theatre props to secretly repay him. It's nothing, he just likes theatre.

[cagedkestrel]

The government making people "disappear" isn't really unheard of here. Plenty of people wanna speak out against this awful shit that they put kids through every year, right? Well that happened with the de Rolo family. Six years ago, Percy de Rolo was the winner of The Program, and his parents - a well-off couple recently moved to Japan - refused to take that lying down. They made enough of a stink that, one night, a year later, the entire family save Percy's little sister Cassandra were just. Gone. Dead? Imprisoned? Who knows. Cassandra knows the only reason she was kept alive was for collateral, to make sure Percy kept his mouth shut.

Unsurprisingly, losing your family and dealing with a heavily traumatized older brother trying to take care of you as you're fully aware you're some kind of bargaining chip kind of puts a damper on your social life. Cassandra's kind of withdrawn, doesn't take to people very easily, and what used to be a more bright, teasing energy has dried up into short, clipped snark. Girl's seen some Terrible Shit even before The Program.

[aquilasshadow]

Altair has seen some terrible shit too so he would recognize the look in Cassandra's eyes. Something awful happened to his home before he was adopted. He and his adoptive parents that got him out of there never talk about it.

He wouldn't actively try to befriend her. He thinks most people aren't worth the effort but maybe they are paired up for a group project and they start talking. He's pretty snarky himself so he won't mind her snark. Misery likes company right?

[terribibble]

Much like Bruno, Fiddleford has all of his students call him 'Doc' on the theory that any permutation of 'Fiddleford McGucket' would be highly unfriendly to a Japanese student body. He teaches higher level math and physics courses and has a reputation as a fairly nice man whose classes are incredibly difficult. He doesn't assign a lot of busywork or anything like that. No pop quizzes. He tries to present things in a way that is engaging, because it's clear that he thinks math is fun despite it being math (weird!). It's just that his tests are hard, if you don't go to the pre-test review session they get exponentially harder, and your grade is like 50% based on your tests.

Essentially he tries to set all his students up to do well but this is not a school for students who want to do well, and this also isn't Stand And Deliver. You see the issue.

He is also the faculty advisor for anime club. He primarily likes giant robot anime (unsurprising).

Why is he here? Well as it turns out if you express some discomfort with the idea of murdering a bunch of kids, even a bunch of bad kids, they toss you in with the kids to get murdered. Curb your enthusiasm theme bass boosted dot mp3.

[aquilasshadow]

Ugh why are Doc's classes so hard. Altair (official name Kaito Akiyama) hates math but he is stubbornly determined to figure it out. He doesn't get how Doc can like math but he likes how he tries to make it engaging and he has a habit of secretly slipping into Fiddleford's office after class, usually through a window, to ask for help. But only after he has spent hours struggling on his own first. He hates asking for help.

A Fiddleford Stand and Deliver au would be fun!

[waitingforplayer2]

Chiaki Nanami is the class gamer. That's how everybody knows her. She's barely spoken a word to anybody; she's always in the back corner, playing on her console. She does her homework, she answers questions when asked, she keeps her head down. She seems to be actively avoiding social contact at any cost.

Nanami's aware of the Battles; she knows she could be recruited to one. In between her games, she's been planning out how she would win one for years. She doesn't know exactly what they entail, but she hopes the design is interesting at least - and she's about to be very disappointed.

[terribibble]

Fiddleford has absolutely tried to bond with her over a shared love of computers and Tetris and has failed miserably, hasn't he.

[6am]

The Health teacher at Vandare High is a horrible teacher. He often comes in late, never has a lesson plan prepared, and will either go on gross tangents the whole class or just put on old educational tapes. Connors-san is practically a textbook shitty teacher. Thank god the class is easy at least.

He is generally nice to the students, although not close and is often overly casual. It's a miracle if he even remembers a single student's name and absolutely struggles with Japanese cultures and suffixes. I'd say he's trying at least but he really isn't.

He does lend a hand to the theater group and glee club however. It's up in the air if he's any actual help

Why is he here? Phil genuinely has no real idea about the games, and what little he knows isn't enough to make him care about standing up for the students. He's just an absolutely shitty teacher and this was a lot easier than firing him. Really they're doing any other school that might hire him a huge service.

[waitingforplayer2]

oh my god his classes are so annoying, there's not even a point to them?? half the time he's just rambling

[sandinmyhair]

He and Bruno are pretty much friends, mainly because Bruno is such a cinnamon roll that he's friends with almost everyone, but also because they do have a shared love of theatre.

[aquilasshadow]

Maybe Phil will remember a student who always skips his class. Phil's boring class is Altair's (or Kaito Akiyama to the teachers) favorite class to skip. If Phil isn't going to bother teaching why should Altair even show up?

If Phil ever does see Altair, it would probably be with the theater group where Altair helps paint props.

[recuttal]

The commemorative booklet for the film's 10th anniversary reveals that Hajime Hinata was once a student at the Vandare school himself. At the time he was quite mild-mannered, if a bit too fond of making trouble for the fun of it, as delinquents are wont to do. A few years ago he transferred out of the school, but despite his friendships left behind he ended up cutting contact with anyone else who knew him, seemingly disappeared by the government like many others. Legally he was one of the many school kids reported dead.

In reality, he had transferred to a class chosen for that year's Battle Royale. Together with his friend Kazuichi Souda, they survived until the end, watching all their classmates die and mounting a rebellion of their own against the game runners. They succeeded in killing most of the administration that year, as well some of the personnel; if they had perhaps had one or two more collaborators they might have succeeded, but instead they were beat down and detained, both of them kept alive only on the right of the fact they needed someone to be the survivor.

With no clear path forward, they struck a deal; both Hajime and Kazuichi would get to live, but they would secretly use their skills and intelligence in service of the regime. Kazuichi was a natural in building and creating more and more advanced surveillance tools and weapons of war, but Hajime was forced to get a little more creative. This would culminate in him being placed in charge of the annual Battle Royale, having already sent a handful of other classes to their death by the time the movie starts, with a unique sort of cruelty past administrators did not possess.

[aquilasshadow]

What kind of reputation did Hajime have when he was at the Vandare school? Altair is also a trouble maker and I thought it would be fun if Hajime's reputation still lived on and Altair is constantly being compared to him.

[isawallflower]

Riley has two modes and two modes only:
1) shy and barely speaks up in class
2) VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT CHEERLEADING

She's actually pretty similar to canon, except for fun we've taken her homicidal ideation and replaced it with even more anxiety. Her classmates have probably only heard her in mandatory group projects or if she gets forced to speak in class. It's always soft, and there's always a slight stutter to it. She's not the best at speaking Japanese, so that definitely doesn't help!

If you have stricken up a conversation about cheer, however? It's like a switch. She gets talkative and excited, just chattering on and on. She loves her team and she's very proud of them. They're actually, like, good? Revolutionary! Since we are based on a Japanese setting it's more Japanese-based cheering, which is largely dance routines! Like this, stunts with a LOT of dance choreo mixed in.

Some things never change and in fact only get worse, so outside of those exceptions, Riley basically only talks to Cairo. She's VERY observant, however, and has probably gotten caught staring at random classmates (to try and figure out how best not to get into a situation that could get her hurt).

[waitingforplayer2]

Nanami thinks Riley's pretty cool until she starts getting up & cheering, and then she's a bit loud for Nanami's tastes. They have done staredowns across the room and it's very funny.

[goodolfashionedvillain]

Thirteen is, first and foremost: a good student. At least, that's what he'd like to be known for.

He usually keeps to himself in class, doing little more than paying attention and interacting directly with teachers, and otherwise keeping his presence minimal. Between all the schoolwork and extracurricular activities, he doesn't get to dedicate a lot of time to socializing anyway. He's too busy juggling AP courses, multiple language courses, and maintaining his ~physique~ for track and wrestling to have time to really worry about any of that. Hell, his name around the school is even the number he gets on all of his uniforms! Number Thirteen. By all accounts, you think he'd be your average, sort of friendly, straight-A jock really.

Unfortunately, thirteen is an unlucky number for an unlucky person, and what he's known for is being kind of a know-it-all teacher's pet who tries too hard at everything he does. Listen, it's just his accent. He's British and that makes him sound snootier than he actually is, okay;;; He is polite and respectful to teachers and coaches, and generally respectful to his fellow students, if a little dodgy. It seems like he doesn't really get jokes, taking things far too literally a lot of the time. If you decide to insult him and it's not a super obvious jab at his more sensitive topics (like the state of his masculinity, his abilities or his proximity to privilege thanks to his rich neglectful, abusive dad) it might just fly over his head. I wouldn't try direct insults though, because this guy does kinda look like a ticking time bomb. Like, nobody's seen him fight, but a number of his bullies *have* stopped showing up to school...

But when you couple all that with Making The Active Choice to wander around after class in a trench coat and army boots looking like Neo The Matrix and Lucius Malfoy's vampire lovechild, alongside a similarly unfriendly-looking greaser kid (Six) that nobody seems to remember sharing a class with following you around like a stabby little shadow, you just might end up with a bit of a reputation...

[recuttal]

drapes over the back of your chair

hinata and thirteen being friends from grade school that thirteen's dad Super Always hated cause his family was super Nothing and he was not at all even a little traditionally masculine and maybe a bit of a Baby Bi. and liked to cause trouble but not even like anything bad just usual pre-teen boy mayhem which is disruptive but incredibly harmless.

and then he moved away but he PROMISED to stay in touch but uh oh that didn't happen and he just completely stopped answering any form of contact! he's probably dead

(idk when he met six but tbh. potential shit squad hours. a goth, a greaser and a skater kid approach you on the playground wyd.)

[hairday]

Steve Harrington is a flat character in this universe. He is here to be an Obstacle for the good guys and to be Hateable. The audience wants to see him get his just desserts for killing off sympathetic characters, and eventually they do.

The only things you need to know about Steve are:

1) He is an athlete. He runs track and also does a Team Sport. I think baseball is popular in Japan, so let's say baseball. He is extremely competitive. His classmates just didn't know how competitive... until now. He is here for the W.

2) He is pompous. He calls himself "The King" and has tried really hard to get that to catch on in the past, probably because he holds some school track record or something.

3) His grades suck. He has all but given up on intellectual pursuits, as physical pursuits are where he shines. Wants to be an Olympian. That said, he holds obvious contempt for anyone who does not struggle with their GPA. Teachers, he does not like you, either.

4) American.

He'll immediately be shifting into survival of the fittest mode upon being released on the island. By the evening of Day 1 he'll have whittled some extra javelins with his cleaver for range. By that time, he'll also have a bandaged [ TBD ] and be looking more and more under the weather as the game progresses.

[goodolfashionedvillain]

Track team rival??? Always trying to best each other's times??

13 has better grades but that's not nearly as fun as an actual physical challenge. >:) (Of course Steve is still The King, but he wants that title so bad--)

They can finally duke it out on the island because at least 13 has been harboring some nasty feelings about this guy for a while, but didn't want to lose his achievements for violence on school grounds. Really I'm just imagining one of them chasing the other through the woods but Ultimately Getting Away when one of them eats shit or falls into a trap or something--

[bound_skyward]

Kain is a very athletic student, highly involved in track and field, particularly anything involving jumping: high jump, pole vault, stuff like that. He's also awesome at the javelin throw. He has military aspirations, because his father had served, and he's trying to follow in his footsteps, but he's not yet quite there yet. He misses his best friends from back home, although they got into a bit of an awkward love triangle...

For a time, he'd fallen into the wrong crowd, too, and got into so trouble, so part of why he's been sent off to the school is to get him an opportunity to get back on track. So maybe this whole Battle Royale will give him the opportunity he needs to redeem himself. Despite all of that, he generally tries to do the right thing. He can be a bit of a loner, but anyone who gets to know him would find a super loyal friend, the kind who always has their backs.

[aquilasshadow]

Hi fellow loner! Altair has a violent reputation and he keeps to himself mostly but he appreciates anyone that can see past that long enough to get to know him. Maybe Altair and Kain chose the same quiet corners to slip away to?

Or since he is involved in track and field, maybe a teacher asked Kain to try to recruit Altair? Altair is very athletic but he doesn't seem to be interested in sports unless it's fighting his fellow students.

[charmpagne]

(I'm kinda just reposting the flavor text from his toplevel since I wove it into the prompt, also im lazy-)

Alexander Plätzchen- or "Xander" to his family and closer friends, what few he did have (though the runners of this little "game" had decided his name was Sparkling now, as if he hadn't been subject to enough ridicule- was regarded as a top student. As one of the few exchange students (he's from Germany specifically) in the class, he'd chosen the path of studying abroad, a decision he would unsurprisingly come to regret. He obviously stood out among his peers, though it wasn't in a troubled student sort of fashion...quite the opposite, really. He tried, genuinely, to do the things he was told. He came to class on time, studied diligently for all exams, and never turned in an assignment late. He'd been rapidly branded as a teacher's pet, a brown noser whose sole desire was to act like he was better than the rest of the students in the class. That wasn't how it was, of course, but he could hardly convince his peers of that fact...nor did it seem to really register with those tasked to shepherd them to begin with.

He's an only kid in his family and is determined to do them proud, so honestly half of the reason he's upset he's been included in this game is due to how bad it's going to make his parents look. They're good people after all, he's done his best to be the good son they raised him to be, and now he gets himself into THIS mess. If he hadn't become a victim in the game, he would have gone on to further his education in management, as his dream was to return home to begin his own business.

[goodolfashionedvillain]

YOU DONT BELONG HERE XANDER YOU'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN YOUR LIFE

teachers pet solidarity, they're definitely study buddies and project partners bc they know the other is the only other person (that they like) that will actually do their part in the project...

he will either drag xander along with him/six for protection or at the very least, if they only run into each other separately, wont hurt him. he cant. :( he doesnt deserve it.

[telewarped]

Born into the prestigious Sakurane family, Shoka has always been held to a high standard—and she's consistently met it, up until recently. Though she was once diligent with her studies, decent at sports, and showed a natural talent for the violin, her grades have recently begun to plummet and her interest in extracurriculars has also fallen by the wayside. To Shoka, these apparent talents are nothing more than boxes to check off on a list of meaningless obligations, and she's starting to wonder why she ever bothered with them in the first place.

This change, however, is unlikely to be noticed by her classmates—and even less likely to be remarked upon—as Shoka seems not to have any friends. She interacts with her classmates only when classwork necessitates it, and any attempts others may have made to befriend her have been coldly brushed off. Generally quiet and standoffish, she goes through the everyday drudgery of school life mostly alone, carrying herself with a constant sense of resigned boredom.

Getting handed a weapon and encouraged to wreak havoc has thrown a sudden wrench into the carefully planned trajectory of her life and, unfortunately for everyone else, she high-key loves that.

TL;DR: Other characters are most likely to know the following about her: 1.) she's from a wealthy and well-respected family, and 2.) she is at best unfriendly and at worst very unpleasant to be around (haha no friends Shoka). Her demeanor on the island (playful, brash, openly delighting in bloodshed) may or may not also be a surprise, based on how quiet and reserved she tended to be at school.

[waitingforplayer2]

hell yeah shoka repreSENT the silent lonely bitch squad, nanami thinks you're cool but also fuck you

[humblecowboy]

he doesn't even go here—

No, really. Six is unregistered, homeless, a general shitty kid constantly on the run from truancy officers who only really shows up at the school to hang out with some of the students. He charms teachers left and right with a sweet smile, occasionally scoring a meal or a place to sleep for a night— much to the chagrin of actual students, with whom he tends to have a much rockier relationship.

Of course, it wasn't always like this; before high school, he could get his bestie Thirteen to hang out with him off school grounds. But once Thirteen turned to sports clubs and actually doing his studies, Six found himself a lot more... bored. He would sit in the back of math classes, rattling off answers to arithmetic problems before the class nerds could shout an answer, and then spend the rest of his time around the fields, hanging off Thirteen, or waiting for Thirteen to be done with more boring classes by flirting with girls walking to and from lunch.

Those are the only times he seems to be friendly, though. He regularly gets in fights with the sports team boys— only off school grounds, though, and he only ever wins. For reasons he'll never give out, he's exceptionally skilled in jeet kun do for someone his age and in his social position, and uses his disarming smile and wirey-looking frame to trick his challengers into thinking he can't hold his own. He spends a fair amount of time mean-mugging people he doesn't like, which is a lot of people, and has been described as having very dark eyes with no light in them, making him quite scary among anyone who doesn't have a bad-boy crush on him.

Oh, yeah, and that Thirteen guy? Whenever Six is around, they're attached at the hip. People who've bullied Thirteen have found their homework or uniforms sabotaged, shown up with black eyes or broken joints— so long as they aren't athletes important to Thirteen's team's ability to play, of course. Strangely though, most of these things have been disguised as— or reported as— accidents....

There's also a lot of world-history drama involved in being a homeless Korean kid in Japan in the (80s?), so that likely effects his life in context of the story but is way too involved to really factor in for such a short plot.

Anyway, being homeless, truant, and unnamed, no one'll end up missing him— it's like he never existed at all.

[endlesspastability]

Arthur “Sonic” Wachowski is a military brat from South Dakota!! ‘Rents in the air force. He finds himself in Japan JUST IN TIME to be shoved into a BATTLE ROYALE! Well, he’s been there for two years or so. He speaks Japanese fairly well, but prefers to converse in English. He doesn’t quite know where to “fit in” in the class — he’s a jock (baseball and track star), loves video games, is a class clown, and is a movie aficionado. He’s loud and keeps his hair dyed blue and is known for his bright red running shoes and cheerful disposition. He’s not the best student in the world, and frequently asks to copy homework and comes up with increasingly inventive ways to cheat on tests. No one except teachers call him Arthur. Some of them can get away with “Arty”.

… Or, this is who he WOULD be, if he were absorbed in the role. But Sonic is not. You may know him — you may even be his close friend or on the same team! But he has no idea who any of you are in the context of the movie and will recognize everyone as their Ryslig selves. Since everyone is human, this is mostly people he knows in Ryslig by name.

[waitingforplayer2]

he's very loud and annoys her a lot, but probably the most annoying thing is how well he knows all the video games she likes. stop harshing her vibe!!! being a gamer is about being a sad loner, not getting people to like you!!!!!

[prototype_blues]

Soooo... We've got here one Bruce "Blues" Light (or is it Right? He never corrects any Japanese speaker saying either name so only the teachers know for sure). He looks for all intents and purposes like your usual delinquent, wearing sunglasses all the time that scarf and the pompadour hair. Hilariously, Blues is nothing like that. Son of a pretty okay robotics engineer, Blues is a somewhat good boy. Passable grades in everything except the sciences, his weird way of rebelling against his dad, and oddly personable with his classmates. It's mostly how he looks that have made him be a bit of a loner, because who wants to be friends with a kid that looks like that?

That kind of thing is how he ended up in the class that got selected for this, the social anti-social kid that he's turned out to be. If that makes any sense. He's not big into any sports, and he may have dabbled in the drama club for a bit, but Blues is one of those kids who jumped from club to club never sticking with one for too long. Which probably also doesn't help with his social life, add to it that he lives alone (his father stayed in the States because of his work) and well... Yeah.

So ending up in the Battle Royal is something that Blues is not fully gung-ho about. But hey!

Thankfully he'll be snapping out of this role come day two, so anyone encountering him then will get him being confused as if he's never met you before. Because most of you he's not met.

[aquilasshadow]

Altair is a quiet artist with a violent reputation.

Altair was adopted. His Japanese name is Kaito Akiyama but he refuses to use it and only goes by his real name Altair. It’s the last thing he has left of his home.

His adoptive father is a famous photographer and his mother is a journalist. Both of his parents travel a lot due to their work. On one of their trips, they disappeared for a while. When they returned to Japan, they had a sixteen-year-old Altair with them. They refused to say anything about the hidden desert tribe they were going to visit. Due to the mysterious circumstances around Altair’s adoption, there are a lot of rumors about him, most of them bad. The fact that Altair gets violent whenever anyone asks about his past doesn’t help.

As a foreigner, he was the perfect target for bullying. Unfortunately for the bullies, Altair was a scrappy kid who enjoyed fighting. He soon created a reputation for himself as someone you didn’t want to mess with. Altair didn’t mind having a reputation for violence but he hated it when people looked down on him. His Japanese was terrible at first but he stubbornly persisted until no one could ridicule him about it. He’s a quick study and he works hard to get good grades in everything to prove everyone is wrong about him. If he doesn’t know something, he is good at faking it.

He's a loner. He wants friends but doesn’t think anyone is worth the effort. If someone is stubborn enough to stick around despite his bad reputation, that’s another story. He’s fiercely loyal to anyone that takes the time to get to know him. He also has a surprising artistic side and when he’s not provoking someone into a fight or hiding out on the roof, he can be found painting with the art club. He’s a lot easier to approach when art is involved and he’s actually friendly as long as art is involved.

It has only been a year since Altair came to Japan and the battle royale is a huge shock to him. His parents didn’t tell him anything and that betrayal is going to hit him hard. He doesn’t know if they just wanted to protect him or if they were ashamed of the truth. This will make it harder for Altair to trust anyone during the battle royale.

[waitingforplayer2]

Big fan of his scrappy fights. Makes quiet bets with herself about who's going to win them, and after a few of them started betting on him every time. (She has never told him this.)

She's pretty sure he's got a solid shot at winning the whole damn Royale.

<i>Several years later...</i>

[thedeadtwinofnarcissus]

I AM HERE! Sorry, I'm so late.

I have a few ideas for Gene. His real name is Daichi Shibuya but he refers to himself as Abatu. He's an occult-loving loner with questionable reactions to bad things. He's probably a baby serial killer, or at least that's what some people say.

Rumors say that he had a violent past of him sacrificing pets to his god...

Usually pretty quiet and docile, if you insult the occult he can turn violent. But usually, he simmers in the shadows and waits for his time to strike.

He takes the Battle Royale as a sign from his god and goes full-heartedly with what he's told, and dies spectacularly. No more mini cultist.

Despite being creepy as hell, he's bullied a lot by others. Anyone want to be his bully? Or maybe a fellow Occult lover (maybe someone slightly more harmless than him).

[aquilasshadow]

Altair is scared of ghosts and the supernatural. Maybe he stumbled on Gene doing an occult ritual when he was looking for an empty room to hide in and he freaked out? Altair likes his violent, fearless reputation so he threatens Gene so he won't say anything and they end up making a deal. Maybe Altair is forced to deal with Gene's bullies?

[irkeninvader]

Sho Zimmerman, a transfer student who is both incredibly loud and knows apparently zero etiquette, but speaks unbelievably fluently. He claims to have an American father and Japanese mother, despite neither ever making an appearance at any time. His grades fluctuate wildly - he's incredibly talented in math and science, but he seemingly knows nothing about history or literature. His athletic performance is also rather lacking but his tenacity is endless. He's in the Robotics club and makes all kind of weird and often very dangerous machines - several have caused class disruptions in the past. Overall just a weird and unpleasant child to be around, not to mention a threat to himself and others. Probably why he got selected for the Battle Royale.

[waitingforplayer2]

no offense zimmerman but she hopes you die early

wait, all offense actually