[There's a moment where nothing happens, though that isn't to say there isn't anyone home. Vicious will hear the telltale shuffle of someone rising to their feet as they walk to get the door, and though it's with a small amount of difficulty, Sparkling manages to get the door open with his other hand. It's an encouraging sign, one that will prompt him to work until he physically can't any longer.
The Sparkling Vicious is greeted with on the other side of the door is simultaneously the most dressed-down he's ever seen him while also...weirdly managing to look nice at the same time. The only existing pair of clothes he owns other than his bartending uniform is an outfit he bought when visiting the Multiverse Museum with Beat. Unfortunately, that means the outfit is terribly made and super cheap looking when you get in close, so realistically it's probably going to fall apart before long. But it's clothes, and that's about all Sparkling can ask for right now.
They're a mock version of Dragon Couture from Beat's world: a floral button-down, white slacks (with a BELT), and a pair of grey slip-ons. He's not even wearing a tie, miracle upon miracles. The only thing that is still immaculate is his hair, which he refuses to not keep styled. It's far less scruffy now than it was in his first days on the Peninsula, having taken some peoples' suggestions to heart in seeking out the proper products to use in it to keep it as close to how it once was as he can.
He opens the door a bit further with a smile, stepping back to allow Vicious room to enter.]
Come in! It's good to see you, Vicious.
[His apartment is basically identical in design to the one Vicious and Spike share, but it's home for now.]
Thank you for having me. You're looking well.. I'm glad to see it.
[Leave it to Sparkling to manage the look of effortless perfection even off the clock. Vicious wonders briefly if maybe he should have put himself together a little better before coming over, but the worry is instantly quelled by the warm greeting he receives. Sparkling's disarming presence is almost dangerous in it's efficacy, but Vicious can't seem to find a reason to fight it.
He takes in the delightful floral vision before him with genuine awe, a real smile-- one that even manages to reach his eyes-- tugging at the corners of his mouth. His laughter is similarly genuine, truly pleased to see Sparkling looking better than the last time they saw one another.
Vicious crosses the threshold with a polite nod, turning to hand the small, neatly folded stack of clothing over to his host.]
Well, I wouldn't have guessed it, but this is a good look for you. You look like you should be at the beach, sipping a peach bellini at sunset~
[The last line drips with a good-natured melodrama, never one to deny any opportunity for theatrical emphasis.
He's quick to follow direction, making his way over to perch on the couch, politely folding his hands in his lap.]
[Trying to attain Sparkling's level of perfect outward appearance is a fool's errand anyway, one that he's going to be on an uphill climb against soon enough. For now though, he does the best he can with what he has while he still has agency. And when Vicious smiles, Sparkling smiles too, able to effectively hide whatever pain he's feeling behind it.
He takes the clothes with a slight tilt of his head, smoothing his hand over the top of them as if to inspect Vicious and Spike's work. He doesn't want to ruin how nicely they're folded, but even from here he can tell they did an excellent job, considering the condition he'd brought them in. Even down to the shirt itself- which had previously been a permanently dingy muddy red with soaked-through blood- has somehow come out looking just as white as it did when Sparkling first arrived. He can hardly believe it, and it shows in his expression as he follows Vicious to where he sat, taking up a seat across from him in a nearby chair.]
Do I really? I guess I can see where you might get that from...I'm glad they don't look too threadbare. I wasn't paying enough attention to the quality when I purchased them, unfortunately...
[BUT IT'S FINE as long as he looks good, he doesn't care so much if they only last him a few wears.
But with all of that good-natured introduction, he's...trying to figure out the best way to lean into what he wanted to talk about without alarming Vicious. He doesn't want him to get the wrong idea, but...well. There's really no better way to get into it other than to just...get into it.]
Well, ah...you remember what you were talking to me about, when you found me in the break room?
[He glances down at the shirt and slacks on his knees, smoothing a clawed hand over them again.]
We obviously didn't get much of a chance to...talk at length, given everything that was going on at the time. And I'm afraid that my reaction at the time, or lack thereof, must have been alarming. So...I wanted to talk about it.
For a moment he looks as if he's been caught with his hand in the cooki jar, so to speak. The glowing whites of his eyes flashing with the slightest hint of panic.
He remembers exactly what he said, he even told Fearless about it. Fearless thought it was ridiculous to mention it to Sparkling of all people, but... It was already out. He thought it would help Sparkling not feel so alone in his situation...
Had he made another critical error?]
...Ah. I. Um.
[He clears his throat, sitting up straight.]
No, it... It wasn't alarming. You were in a lot of pain, I wasn't expecting much, in terms of conversation.
[He tries for another laugh, but the nerves behind it are more obvious.]
[Even with the changes Vicious has undergone, Sparkling likes to think he knows the man well enough to be able to tell that he's starting to fear the worst. Both because that's a natural response anyone would have in this situation, and because Sparkling knows he would be feeling that way right about now. He takes no pleasure in seeing the man flounder, so he's quick to continue.]
I also wanted to speak with you because I didn't want you getting the wrong idea, so to speak. That isn't a conversation you can exactly just...leave like that.
[Well. You could, but would you want to? Vicious is probably well accustomed to just letting things slide under the radar like this, especially if they just remain unmentioned in some capacity, and usually Sparkling would be too...but this needs to be discussed. He would forever wonder about it if he didn't at least make the attempt to bring it back up. And since Vicious isn't immediately shutting it down...]
I wanted to assure you, first and foremost, that whatever it was that you did back in your home that required you to kill others...is not something I can condone.
[...]
But in the same breath, I can't condone what I did to that man, and I never will.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, leaning back. There's a lot bubbling under the surface that Sparkling isn't getting into here- a lot of feelings of personal failure and the continued existential nightmare of his own existence- but you know
we don't have time to unpack that!]
You- we did it to survive. It makes you no less of a person, but in fact speaks to your character that you felt comfortable enough to tell me, a near perfect stranger to your life, of your own past in an effort to make what I'd done seem less dire.
I won't judge you, Vicious. You're a good friend, and I have no reason not to trust that you've meant every kindness you've shown me since we've met.
[There are a few times where he opens his mouth to interject, but manages to stop himself each time, swallowing the urge to defend himself and allowing Sparkling to finish.
Still, he lowers his head and raises tense shoulders, shrinking into himself like a scolded child, staring down at his blackened hands that tremble with anticipation. He's starting to see through them, down to the fabric of his slacks, and tries to remember to focus and keep himself together. He doesn't want to disappear in front of Sparkling-- as if he needs to make the situation any more embarrassing than it already is.
This is awful. He should have known better than to mention this part of his life. Fearless told him it was a bad idea, stupid of him to just drop that information on someone as if they'd just shrug it off as "no big deal." Murder is a big deal. Killing people for any reason is certainly a big deal to civilians. It's not a normal job to have in any capacity, and he's not sure why he thought it would be a comfort for anyone to hear, much less a kind young man from a cookie kingdom.
Sparkling not condoning his behavior isn't the same thing as judging him for it, he knows, but that doesn't seem to stop him from feeling as if he's done something terribly wrong. In fact, it's probably the first time he's actually felt bad about his job in a while.]
Are you asking me to explain myself? I can. If it will help.
[His voice is small, quiet, almost defeated. The last time he tried to explain something to someone, he'd made an even bigger fool of himself. The last time he tried to help, he'd ruined a girl's evening. That distinct but familiar feeling of failure is already welling up inside of him, devastated that he'd already perhaps ruined a chance at having another friend, earning someone else's trust.]
I-- I don't want you to think poorly of me, Sparkling. But, more than that... I don't want to lie to you, either.
[Ah. Even after he's finished speaking, Sparkling can tell now that he's getting a better look at Vicious that his words weren't received in the way he'd intended. There's a lot about the man he doesn't know- about his past, his life, and more- and he's not going to expect to be told everything. And it's clear just by the way he answers that Vicious thinks he's fucked up.
Sparkling shakes his head, slightly.]
I don't think poorly of you.
[He states simply, though he knows better than to think it's going to be so simple as that.]
If you would like to tell me the particulars of what exactly it is you do, then I will listen. But please do not feel like you have to just to make me comfortable. It's none of my business to know, and I'm willing to accept that.
No, I— it's just. At this point, not telling you would feel like... I wasn't being honest. It's very important that I be honest with you.
[Vicious sighs and forces himself to sit up straight again— shoulders squared, perfect posture. It's almost as if he's preparing himself to give a presentation and he has crippling stage fright. Still, he will fight through it, putting all of his concentration into keeping his shit together. Literally and figuratively, he's very much fighting the urge to just fade out of existence.
Though it's incredibly difficult to look at Sparkling in this moment, he has to muster the will to do it anyway. If he's going to fuck this one up, he has to take it on the chin, like a man. That's just how it goes.
He clears his throat once more, clasping his hands firmly in his lap.
Keep it together. Don't over-explain yourself. Just say what you mean.]
Sparkling, I'm sorry. I don't want to sugarcoat it.
I'm not a good person.
I won't waste your time with the details, but, back home, I...
[He usually lied about this sort of thing-- or well. Fearless would lie for them, tell them it was import-export business. It was in finance, it was transport. High dollar fibs to get some girls' interested in them enough to go out for the night.
But this is more than that. This is a person Vicious would actually hate to disappoint. He doesn't know why, and he doesn't want to think too hard about it. So he's going to just talk and let what's going to happen... happen.]
I— I was a career criminal. I would clean up messes left behind by dangerous people, and sometimes had to make my own. It's just... Part of the job.
Believe me, it's one of my greater regrets, knowing what I know now, but. That's neither here nor there.
[He shakes his head, finally breaking his gaze and lowering his head once more. There's a desperation to the laugh that escapes him.]
I just. I don't know. I can't make a case for myself, here. I do bad things for very powerful people, and I don't... Have the choice to get out of it.
This-- this place is my only way out of it. I go home, and it's back to that life. I'm trapped, there. I signed my life away to people who would kill me if I tried to leave.
That's my only excuse. I can't leave.
And— please understand, I don't want you to condone this... Path. In a different life, maybe I wouldn't have either, but... for me, it is what it is. I never had a choice.
[He purses his lips, turning his gaze back to Sparkling, apologetic. How did someone like him get dragged into a mess like this? It made sense for a monster like Vicious to be here. But why him?]
I'm sorry that you've found yourself stuck in the same boat with me. That you had your choice stripped away like that... This shouldn't have to happen to someone like you. This isn't the life you were supposed to live.
[Just as Vicious gave Sparkling the courtesy of his attention while he was speaking, so too will Sparkling listen to every word that Vicious has to say without pause or interruption. Even if he thinks of things mid-sentence, he'll choose to keep his peace until he's certain the man has finished telling everything he wants him to know.
And it is...a lot to chew on, and even more to swallow. Something like making a career out of being a criminal doesn't exist in quite so literal terms back on Earthbread. Though he wouldn't claim to understand everything about the Cookies who choose to work with Dark Enchantress Cookie, he just knows that they each have their own reasons for doing so. They're devotees. Outcasts. Cookies abandoned by the world who have nothing left to turn to. Cookies that are bitter, or sour, or unpleasant in flavor...
It sounds to Sparkling like Vicious is in a similar situation, except this is not work he revels in like, say, Pomegranate does. It's work he does because he has no other choice.
I'm trapped.
His hands curl into half-formed fists in his lap as he keeps his red eyes centered on the other's much brighter white ones.]
I should be the one apologizing to you, Vicious.
[Is how Sparkling chooses to finally break the silence after what must feel like an eternity to the Shade, his expression serious as much as it is soft.]
"Someone like me..." [He shakes his head.] What is that supposed to mean? It implies that I'm, well...that perhaps I deserve a better lot in life, for whatever reason.
But I don't. I'm no more deserving than you are. You said it yourself, you are trapped back home. You haven't had a choice but to continue the life you're living, to survive. ...and somehow, I imagine you're not the only one in that position.
[His expression softens further.]
I'm not going to try to convince you that you're a good person. But what I will tell you is that the Vicious I know is someone I haven't been disappointed to put my trust in.
I was terrified of everyone when I woke up here. And to be honest with you? Some days, I wake up afraid that this is all some...elaborate ruse to lull me into a sense of security, so that I can be eaten like so many others have.
You didn't have to be honest with me, knowing that I would have had every right to reject you once I knew the truth. ...but you care about me enough that you were willing to take that risk.
That means everything, to me.
[He finally closes his eyes, just long enough to recenter his gaze on Vicious before opening them again.]
Thank you. For trusting me. I promise I won't betray that trust.
Hold on just one second, is this-- acceptance? No, no, he must have said something wrong. There's no way Sparkling could have just accepted that explanation from him. Maybe he should have been clearer, maybe he should give details. Though... maybe he shouldn't. Maybe it's safer if he doesn't. It looks like Sparkling isn't going to pry, but-- but why? He can't honestly be that innocent. Is that naivete? Is that blind trust? Why? What did he do to deserve it? Sparkling has to have misunderstood. He's really going to... align himself with him, after all of this?
He can't wipe the confusion off his face fast enough, but when he does, it's with a smile. The disbelief remains evident in the knit of his brow, however, entirely unsure of how he got here or if he even deserves to be here in the first place. There's no way it was just this easy.]
You-- [Can't. You shouldn't.] You're too kind, Sparkling. I appreciate that, more than I can express. I'm. Honored, really. Thank you.
[He hasn't had someone readily accept him like this since Fearless almost half his life ago. Would it be stupid to squander the opportunity, now? He should take it. He shouldn't ruin it. He should hold it close and nurture it and not squeeze the life out of it before it's even had a chance to run it's course.
Don't fuck this up.]
I do think you're a good person, though. An amazing person. I'm just saying I think you deserve better than the sort of nonsense I come from, and the sort of nonsense I end up in. You've been kind, generous, sweet even. [Yes he was going for the pun, yes it was bad.] I just. I'm not used to-- I can't imagine why you'd want to--...
[Vicious shakes his head and gives up on that last part, waving a hand. Sparkling's opting to be your friend, idiot. Accept it. Maybe he's a Bad Boy cookie back home and Sparkling just hasn't told him yet. Though... How bad can a cookie really be? The thought forces a laugh despite himself.]
Forgive me, I'm so sorry, I just-- I have such a hard time imagining you getting up to debauchery, much less criminal activity. But what do I know, you could get up to all sorts of trouble I don't know about, right? Maybe I'm not giving you enough credit.
[All he can hope is that all the teasing will land, despite not exactly being the best at timing it. He just wants to lighten the mood, even a little bit. Moping is no way to make a new friend, after all.]
[For a good handful of seconds, it's Sparkling's turn to just...sit there, gobsmacked. He was not expecting to have all of that praise just lavished on him- it does not go unappreciated, of course Sparkling soaks up attention like this like a god damn sponge- but he wasn't actually expecting it when he gave Vicious his answer. So he's a good person, then...on a surface, technical level, he'd absolutely believe that. He follows rules, doesn't start fights with people, generally tries to present himself as kind and helpful to a fault.
But does that necessarily make you good, even if you're going through all of the motions to present yourself that way? He sometimes wonders...
That attempt to lighten the mood leaves Sparkling chuckling in spite of himself, so it seems that it landed in the way Vicious had hoped it would, despite everything. Even if Sparkling looks tired (dead tired, you might say) he's still genuine in the way he's holding himself here- at least he hopes.]
Well...the only grand adventure I can claim fame to involves pirates, but I wasn't really doing anything wrong then...just happened to end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
[He leans back in his chair again, shrugging one shoulder as he brings a hand carefully up to rest near his chin. While the tension hasn't been fully eased between them, it's clear that they've made some headway. Something...has changed about their budding friendship irrecovably, but it's not necessarily in a bad way. Sparkling would argue it's just paved the way for things to be more...on an even keel between the two of them. Less coworkers who just know one another at what they present to the public, and more of who they are really. And that's not something Sparkling can say he gets with a lot of people.
He just wishes this didn't feel so weighted in his own favor. Vicious has poured so much of his life out for Sparkling to know about, and even if there are still secrets he doesn't know, it feels like he knows far more than he should as it is.]
But...thank you, truly. It means a lot for you to say that.
[He rubs at his cheek a little, letting his gaze shift to one side a bit.]
I...I do hope I haven't pressured you, Vicious. I just felt like I needed to tell you how I felt about all of this, so you weren't left wondering.
My, and what a claim. I'd love to hear that story.
[His brows raise at the concept of "pirates," and then further once he considers they would probably have been some sort of cookie pirates, which is just fascinating in and of itself. It's hard not to envision Sparkling's life as having been like living inside of a children's book; pure and innocent, full of adventure, but where no true harm could come to the heroes of the story or the citizens of the kingdom... Then again, he doesn't know much. There's a very good chance he could be completely wrong! He just hopes that one day Sparkling would feel comfortable enough to regale him of more tales from his life back home, but not at the expense of dredging up more unpleasant thoughts.]
Oh, think nothing of it, it's just... the truth. I like you, even if I don't know all of you, yet. I just appreciate you giving me the chance to get to.
[He watches the young vampire with a warm smile, hoping the sincerity would read more evidently than the sadness lining his eyes. This has been... a hard conversation for him, but one he likes to think he's navigating well enough. The gratitude vastly outweighs the anxiety now, at least, since it does seem to be going better than before, but... he can't help but worry that one day soon, that disappointment will come and undo all this trust he's been so graciously given. Surely it's only a matter of time.
No-- don't think like that. He can be good. It will all be fine.]
I'm-- no, no, don't worry. Really, I'm glad you said something. I... had been thinking about you for the last few days, so I'm glad to hear from you at all, especially after all that, you know?
It's quite a long one...and a bit unbelievable, but I would be glad to tell it to you, anytime.
[It may change Vicious' opinion on whether or not Sparkling has ever gotten into any trouble before...but at least that trouble wasn't inherently his own fault. Mostly.
It's not unusual, hearing that he's liked. Sparkling craves those words, relishes in them when they're offered whether they're genuine or paying him lip service. He likes to think he's gotten good at being able to differentiate between the two, but there are some times that he knows that he just doesn't care. Real or not, it's good to be appreciated. It's good to be liked. It's a priority, actually.
Maybe it shouldn't be, and maybe it's not healthy, but that's where Sparkling is in his life. So he knows he's going to be leaving this conversation feeling...not exactly good, but better than he could have. Because even if Vicious could on the off chance just be saying whatever he can to save face with Sparkling, the sad thing is that it works. He's vain and prone to flattery enough for it.
It's a hollow sort of understanding about himself that gnaws at the backs of his senses, but it's something he's learned to ignore.]
Oh, is that so? And here I had no idea I was such a popular guy.
[Okay that's OBVIOUSLY a joke, especially with the way the words almost titter their way out of him, but it's a good sign that the mood has been lifted.]
But I do understand. This whole...business with changes, and everything...it's been a lot. I apologize for not keeping in touch, but I'll try to be better about that in the future. For when...I don't know, I start growing talons or something.
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transilience
From:
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The Sparkling Vicious is greeted with on the other side of the door is simultaneously the most dressed-down he's ever seen him while also...weirdly managing to look nice at the same time. The only existing pair of clothes he owns other than his bartending uniform is an outfit he bought when visiting the Multiverse Museum with Beat. Unfortunately, that means the outfit is terribly made and super cheap looking when you get in close, so realistically it's probably going to fall apart before long. But it's clothes, and that's about all Sparkling can ask for right now.
They're a mock version of Dragon Couture from Beat's world: a floral button-down, white slacks (with a BELT), and a pair of grey slip-ons. He's not even wearing a tie, miracle upon miracles. The only thing that is still immaculate is his hair, which he refuses to not keep styled. It's far less scruffy now than it was in his first days on the Peninsula, having taken some peoples' suggestions to heart in seeking out the proper products to use in it to keep it as close to how it once was as he can.
He opens the door a bit further with a smile, stepping back to allow Vicious room to enter.]
Come in! It's good to see you, Vicious.
[His apartment is basically identical in design to the one Vicious and Spike share, but it's home for now.]
You can have a seat wherever you'd like.
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[Leave it to Sparkling to manage the look of effortless perfection even off the clock. Vicious wonders briefly if maybe he should have put himself together a little better before coming over, but the worry is instantly quelled by the warm greeting he receives. Sparkling's disarming presence is almost dangerous in it's efficacy, but Vicious can't seem to find a reason to fight it.
He takes in the delightful floral vision before him with genuine awe, a real smile-- one that even manages to reach his eyes-- tugging at the corners of his mouth. His laughter is similarly genuine, truly pleased to see Sparkling looking better than the last time they saw one another.
Vicious crosses the threshold with a polite nod, turning to hand the small, neatly folded stack of clothing over to his host.]
Well, I wouldn't have guessed it, but this is a good look for you. You look like you should be at the beach, sipping a peach bellini at sunset~
[The last line drips with a good-natured melodrama, never one to deny any opportunity for theatrical emphasis.
He's quick to follow direction, making his way over to perch on the couch, politely folding his hands in his lap.]
So, to what do I owe the pleasure?
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He takes the clothes with a slight tilt of his head, smoothing his hand over the top of them as if to inspect Vicious and Spike's work. He doesn't want to ruin how nicely they're folded, but even from here he can tell they did an excellent job, considering the condition he'd brought them in. Even down to the shirt itself- which had previously been a permanently dingy muddy red with soaked-through blood- has somehow come out looking just as white as it did when Sparkling first arrived. He can hardly believe it, and it shows in his expression as he follows Vicious to where he sat, taking up a seat across from him in a nearby chair.]
Do I really? I guess I can see where you might get that from...I'm glad they don't look too threadbare. I wasn't paying enough attention to the quality when I purchased them, unfortunately...
[BUT IT'S FINE as long as he looks good, he doesn't care so much if they only last him a few wears.
But with all of that good-natured introduction, he's...trying to figure out the best way to lean into what he wanted to talk about without alarming Vicious. He doesn't want him to get the wrong idea, but...well. There's really no better way to get into it other than to just...get into it.]
Well, ah...you remember what you were talking to me about, when you found me in the break room?
[He glances down at the shirt and slacks on his knees, smoothing a clawed hand over them again.]
We obviously didn't get much of a chance to...talk at length, given everything that was going on at the time. And I'm afraid that my reaction at the time, or lack thereof, must have been alarming. So...I wanted to talk about it.
[Ah.
Oh no.]
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For a moment he looks as if he's been caught with his hand in the cooki jar, so to speak. The glowing whites of his eyes flashing with the slightest hint of panic.
He remembers exactly what he said, he even told Fearless about it. Fearless thought it was ridiculous to mention it to Sparkling of all people, but... It was already out. He thought it would help Sparkling not feel so alone in his situation...
Had he made another critical error?]
...Ah. I. Um.
[He clears his throat, sitting up straight.]
No, it... It wasn't alarming. You were in a lot of pain, I wasn't expecting much, in terms of conversation.
[He tries for another laugh, but the nerves behind it are more obvious.]
From:
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I also wanted to speak with you because I didn't want you getting the wrong idea, so to speak. That isn't a conversation you can exactly just...leave like that.
[Well. You could, but would you want to? Vicious is probably well accustomed to just letting things slide under the radar like this, especially if they just remain unmentioned in some capacity, and usually Sparkling would be too...but this needs to be discussed. He would forever wonder about it if he didn't at least make the attempt to bring it back up. And since Vicious isn't immediately shutting it down...]
I wanted to assure you, first and foremost, that whatever it was that you did back in your home that required you to kill others...is not something I can condone.
[...]
But in the same breath, I can't condone what I did to that man, and I never will.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, leaning back. There's a lot bubbling under the surface that Sparkling isn't getting into here- a lot of feelings of personal failure and the continued existential nightmare of his own existence- but you know
we don't have time to unpack that!]
You- we did it to survive. It makes you no less of a person, but in fact speaks to your character that you felt comfortable enough to tell me, a near perfect stranger to your life, of your own past in an effort to make what I'd done seem less dire.
I won't judge you, Vicious. You're a good friend, and I have no reason not to trust that you've meant every kindness you've shown me since we've met.
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Still, he lowers his head and raises tense shoulders, shrinking into himself like a scolded child, staring down at his blackened hands that tremble with anticipation. He's starting to see through them, down to the fabric of his slacks, and tries to remember to focus and keep himself together. He doesn't want to disappear in front of Sparkling-- as if he needs to make the situation any more embarrassing than it already is.
This is awful. He should have known better than to mention this part of his life. Fearless told him it was a bad idea, stupid of him to just drop that information on someone as if they'd just shrug it off as "no big deal." Murder is a big deal. Killing people for any reason is certainly a big deal to civilians. It's not a normal job to have in any capacity, and he's not sure why he thought it would be a comfort for anyone to hear, much less a kind young man from a cookie kingdom.
Sparkling not condoning his behavior isn't the same thing as judging him for it, he knows, but that doesn't seem to stop him from feeling as if he's done something terribly wrong. In fact, it's probably the first time he's actually felt bad about his job in a while.]
Are you asking me to explain myself? I can. If it will help.
[His voice is small, quiet, almost defeated. The last time he tried to explain something to someone, he'd made an even bigger fool of himself. The last time he tried to help, he'd ruined a girl's evening. That distinct but familiar feeling of failure is already welling up inside of him, devastated that he'd already perhaps ruined a chance at having another friend, earning someone else's trust.]
I-- I don't want you to think poorly of me, Sparkling. But, more than that... I don't want to lie to you, either.
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Sparkling shakes his head, slightly.]
I don't think poorly of you.
[He states simply, though he knows better than to think it's going to be so simple as that.]
If you would like to tell me the particulars of what exactly it is you do, then I will listen. But please do not feel like you have to just to make me comfortable. It's none of my business to know, and I'm willing to accept that.
From:
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[Vicious sighs and forces himself to sit up straight again— shoulders squared, perfect posture. It's almost as if he's preparing himself to give a presentation and he has crippling stage fright. Still, he will fight through it, putting all of his concentration into keeping his shit together. Literally and figuratively, he's very much fighting the urge to just fade out of existence.
Though it's incredibly difficult to look at Sparkling in this moment, he has to muster the will to do it anyway. If he's going to fuck this one up, he has to take it on the chin, like a man. That's just how it goes.
He clears his throat once more, clasping his hands firmly in his lap.
Keep it together. Don't over-explain yourself. Just say what you mean.]
Sparkling, I'm sorry. I don't want to sugarcoat it.
I'm not a good person.
I won't waste your time with the details, but, back home, I...
[He usually lied about this sort of thing-- or well. Fearless would lie for them, tell them it was import-export business. It was in finance, it was transport. High dollar fibs to get some girls' interested in them enough to go out for the night.
But this is more than that. This is a person Vicious would actually hate to disappoint. He doesn't know why, and he doesn't want to think too hard about it. So he's going to just talk and let what's going to happen... happen.]
I— I was a career criminal. I would clean up messes left behind by dangerous people, and sometimes had to make my own. It's just... Part of the job.
Believe me, it's one of my greater regrets, knowing what I know now, but. That's neither here nor there.
[He shakes his head, finally breaking his gaze and lowering his head once more. There's a desperation to the laugh that escapes him.]
I just. I don't know. I can't make a case for myself, here. I do bad things for very powerful people, and I don't... Have the choice to get out of it.
This-- this place is my only way out of it. I go home, and it's back to that life. I'm trapped, there. I signed my life away to people who would kill me if I tried to leave.
That's my only excuse. I can't leave.
And— please understand, I don't want you to condone this... Path. In a different life, maybe I wouldn't have either, but... for me, it is what it is. I never had a choice.
[He purses his lips, turning his gaze back to Sparkling, apologetic. How did someone like him get dragged into a mess like this? It made sense for a monster like Vicious to be here. But why him?]
I'm sorry that you've found yourself stuck in the same boat with me. That you had your choice stripped away like that... This shouldn't have to happen to someone like you. This isn't the life you were supposed to live.
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And it is...a lot to chew on, and even more to swallow. Something like making a career out of being a criminal doesn't exist in quite so literal terms back on Earthbread. Though he wouldn't claim to understand everything about the Cookies who choose to work with Dark Enchantress Cookie, he just knows that they each have their own reasons for doing so. They're devotees. Outcasts. Cookies abandoned by the world who have nothing left to turn to. Cookies that are bitter, or sour, or unpleasant in flavor...
It sounds to Sparkling like Vicious is in a similar situation, except this is not work he revels in like, say, Pomegranate does. It's work he does because he has no other choice.
I'm trapped.
His hands curl into half-formed fists in his lap as he keeps his red eyes centered on the other's much brighter white ones.]
I should be the one apologizing to you, Vicious.
[Is how Sparkling chooses to finally break the silence after what must feel like an eternity to the Shade, his expression serious as much as it is soft.]
"Someone like me..." [He shakes his head.] What is that supposed to mean? It implies that I'm, well...that perhaps I deserve a better lot in life, for whatever reason.
But I don't. I'm no more deserving than you are. You said it yourself, you are trapped back home. You haven't had a choice but to continue the life you're living, to survive. ...and somehow, I imagine you're not the only one in that position.
[His expression softens further.]
I'm not going to try to convince you that you're a good person. But what I will tell you is that the Vicious I know is someone I haven't been disappointed to put my trust in.
I was terrified of everyone when I woke up here. And to be honest with you? Some days, I wake up afraid that this is all some...elaborate ruse to lull me into a sense of security, so that I can be eaten like so many others have.
You didn't have to be honest with me, knowing that I would have had every right to reject you once I knew the truth. ...but you care about me enough that you were willing to take that risk.
That means everything, to me.
[He finally closes his eyes, just long enough to recenter his gaze on Vicious before opening them again.]
Thank you. For trusting me. I promise I won't betray that trust.
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Hold on just one second, is this-- acceptance? No, no, he must have said something wrong. There's no way Sparkling could have just accepted that explanation from him. Maybe he should have been clearer, maybe he should give details. Though... maybe he shouldn't. Maybe it's safer if he doesn't. It looks like Sparkling isn't going to pry, but-- but why? He can't honestly be that innocent. Is that naivete? Is that blind trust? Why? What did he do to deserve it? Sparkling has to have misunderstood. He's really going to... align himself with him, after all of this?
He can't wipe the confusion off his face fast enough, but when he does, it's with a smile. The disbelief remains evident in the knit of his brow, however, entirely unsure of how he got here or if he even deserves to be here in the first place. There's no way it was just this easy.]
You-- [Can't. You shouldn't.] You're too kind, Sparkling. I appreciate that, more than I can express. I'm. Honored, really. Thank you.
[He hasn't had someone readily accept him like this since Fearless almost half his life ago. Would it be stupid to squander the opportunity, now? He should take it. He shouldn't ruin it. He should hold it close and nurture it and not squeeze the life out of it before it's even had a chance to run it's course.
Don't fuck this up.]
I do think you're a good person, though. An amazing person. I'm just saying I think you deserve better than the sort of nonsense I come from, and the sort of nonsense I end up in. You've been kind, generous, sweet even. [Yes he was going for the pun, yes it was bad.] I just. I'm not used to-- I can't imagine why you'd want to--...
[Vicious shakes his head and gives up on that last part, waving a hand. Sparkling's opting to be your friend, idiot. Accept it. Maybe he's a Bad Boy cookie back home and Sparkling just hasn't told him yet. Though... How bad can a cookie really be? The thought forces a laugh despite himself.]
Forgive me, I'm so sorry, I just-- I have such a hard time imagining you getting up to debauchery, much less criminal activity. But what do I know, you could get up to all sorts of trouble I don't know about, right? Maybe I'm not giving you enough credit.
[All he can hope is that all the teasing will land, despite not exactly being the best at timing it. He just wants to lighten the mood, even a little bit. Moping is no way to make a new friend, after all.]
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But does that necessarily make you good, even if you're going through all of the motions to present yourself that way? He sometimes wonders...
That attempt to lighten the mood leaves Sparkling chuckling in spite of himself, so it seems that it landed in the way Vicious had hoped it would, despite everything. Even if Sparkling looks tired (dead tired, you might say) he's still genuine in the way he's holding himself here- at least he hopes.]
Well...the only grand adventure I can claim fame to involves pirates, but I wasn't really doing anything wrong then...just happened to end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.
[He leans back in his chair again, shrugging one shoulder as he brings a hand carefully up to rest near his chin. While the tension hasn't been fully eased between them, it's clear that they've made some headway. Something...has changed about their budding friendship irrecovably, but it's not necessarily in a bad way. Sparkling would argue it's just paved the way for things to be more...on an even keel between the two of them. Less coworkers who just know one another at what they present to the public, and more of who they are really. And that's not something Sparkling can say he gets with a lot of people.
He just wishes this didn't feel so weighted in his own favor. Vicious has poured so much of his life out for Sparkling to know about, and even if there are still secrets he doesn't know, it feels like he knows far more than he should as it is.]
But...thank you, truly. It means a lot for you to say that.
[He rubs at his cheek a little, letting his gaze shift to one side a bit.]
I...I do hope I haven't pressured you, Vicious. I just felt like I needed to tell you how I felt about all of this, so you weren't left wondering.
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[His brows raise at the concept of "pirates," and then further once he considers they would probably have been some sort of cookie pirates, which is just fascinating in and of itself. It's hard not to envision Sparkling's life as having been like living inside of a children's book; pure and innocent, full of adventure, but where no true harm could come to the heroes of the story or the citizens of the kingdom... Then again, he doesn't know much. There's a very good chance he could be completely wrong! He just hopes that one day Sparkling would feel comfortable enough to regale him of more tales from his life back home, but not at the expense of dredging up more unpleasant thoughts.]
Oh, think nothing of it, it's just... the truth. I like you, even if I don't know all of you, yet. I just appreciate you giving me the chance to get to.
[He watches the young vampire with a warm smile, hoping the sincerity would read more evidently than the sadness lining his eyes. This has been... a hard conversation for him, but one he likes to think he's navigating well enough. The gratitude vastly outweighs the anxiety now, at least, since it does seem to be going better than before, but... he can't help but worry that one day soon, that disappointment will come and undo all this trust he's been so graciously given. Surely it's only a matter of time.
No-- don't think like that. He can be good. It will all be fine.]
I'm-- no, no, don't worry. Really, I'm glad you said something. I... had been thinking about you for the last few days, so I'm glad to hear from you at all, especially after all that, you know?
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[It may change Vicious' opinion on whether or not Sparkling has ever gotten into any trouble before...but at least that trouble wasn't inherently his own fault. Mostly.
It's not unusual, hearing that he's liked. Sparkling craves those words, relishes in them when they're offered whether they're genuine or paying him lip service. He likes to think he's gotten good at being able to differentiate between the two, but there are some times that he knows that he just doesn't care. Real or not, it's good to be appreciated. It's good to be liked. It's a priority, actually.
Maybe it shouldn't be, and maybe it's not healthy, but that's where Sparkling is in his life. So he knows he's going to be leaving this conversation feeling...not exactly good, but better than he could have. Because even if Vicious could on the off chance just be saying whatever he can to save face with Sparkling, the sad thing is that it works. He's vain and prone to flattery enough for it.
It's a hollow sort of understanding about himself that gnaws at the backs of his senses, but it's something he's learned to ignore.]
Oh, is that so? And here I had no idea I was such a popular guy.
[Okay that's OBVIOUSLY a joke, especially with the way the words almost titter their way out of him, but it's a good sign that the mood has been lifted.]
But I do understand. This whole...business with changes, and everything...it's been a lot. I apologize for not keeping in touch, but I'll try to be better about that in the future. For when...I don't know, I start growing talons or something.